I remember the excitement and anticipation on the evening of March 22nd, 1997 like it was yesterday. We had spent the day doing various chores around the house and Juley felt under the weather most of the day. I encouraged her to rest as we made various adjustments to our home in anticipation of Savannah's arrival. That day came and went as most days do. But when the night approached, Juley was beginning to feel more and more uncomfortable, Around 11:00 p.m., the first of the contractions began. I remember my first thought was whether should I go ahead and take a shower so that I would be ready for a possible long night and day ahead.

     We were packed and ready to go. The car had everything in it except the kitchen sink. We were having Savannah at a birthing center and you can take whatever you like since it's a bedroom-type setting. So we took full advantage of that!
After we both showered, we laid on the bed and waited. Waiting on contractions is a funny thing. You just don't know what is going to happen next or how often. You also don't know how often is often. So when they started to get closer-about 5 minutes apart-we called our midwife, who told us to walk as much as we could and when they were about a minute apart to meet her at the center. We began walking. Walking in our neighborhood seemed different somehow knowing that Savannah was beginning to bring herself into our world. That night, there was a full moon, HaleBopp comet was out, and there was an eclipse as well. Savannah was destined to be born that day-March 23rd. We walked and walked and the time grew closer and closer. We made the call and went to the center.

     Savannah was born at 11:10 a.m. that day-the most memorable day of my life. Little did I know then that this event would change my life forever in a way I never dreamed imaginable.

     It is now almost 4 years later, and I haven't seen Savannah or held her in my arms for 5 months. Her birth mother has taken her from me and I do not know when I will I see or hold her again. After 2 years and 8 months being a part of Savannah's life, seeing her and holding her, she was taken from my life without any plans for my future interaction-Savannah, who called me "Momma," and her birth mother, "Mother."
You see, I have what is referred to as "No Legal Standing," meaning that I have no legal rights to this child whom I love with all my heart. I am at the total mercy of the birth mother, who was my life partner for over 10 years, who had stood with me before God and taken an oath of Holy Union, who stood with me and Savannah as we had her Christened as parents together. The birth mother who, for years, expressed her undying love for me as her chosen life partner, now wants to remove me as Savannah's other parent.
What went wrong in this seemingly wonderful setting of two people taking the step in faith of having a child together? Earlier on in our relationship, we decided that we both wanted to be parents and give our love to a child and experience motherhood. We tried for eight months with an anonymous donor and became pregnant on the eighth attempt. Unbeknownst to me, the events to follow would shape our future in a way unimaginable to me at the time.

     When Juley's parents blatantly voiced their disapproval of our decision to have a child and removed themselves from our lives, I had no idea how much this would affect Juley. She was slipping further and further away from me and our love together because of their rejection. By all looks and appearances, we were going through life's motions all right, the excitement of having a child, the parties, etc. But now I know, as I look back, how distant Juley had become.

     It was in July of 1998. Juley went to her first therapy session to deal with the rejection of her parents. I also learned that she wanted to leave me. She said that she no longer loved me and didn't really know what she wanted. Within a month, she said she wanted to move out.

     We went to therapy together and drew up a separation agreement. We would still live in the house together and sleep separately with what is called a "cool down" period, in hopes that the relationship might be saved. We agreed not to date or get romantically involved with anyone else during this time.

Throughout the separation, we spent most of our time away from each other and attending therapy. But little hope was had. By the September, she was adamant about moving out. She said we would share custody of Savannah and moved out on October 1, 1998. In January of 1999, her new girlfriend moved in.

During our therapy sessions, Juley agreed to my co-parenting Savannah and made out a schedule. We each had her on equal time. Savannah would spend 2 days with her and then 3 with me and so on. In January we changed to 3 day/4 day splits. Then suddenly, in April, Juley wrote me a letter and changed the arrangement saying that she was the birth mother and would have primary care. I could have Savannah every other weekend and one afternoon a week. It was not an option, it was her decision.
She stopped going to our therapist. This went on through the summer months and then in October, exactly one year after she moved out, Juley said she was moving to Dallas, Texas with her new partner. I asked for an arrangement for my visitation with Savannah and she would not agree to any. She did, however, promise to several of our close friends that she would always allow me access to Savannah and she would let me see her after they were settled.

     Phone calls from Savannah would no longer come once a day, as they had since the break up, but only once a week. They left for Dallas on October 23. I didn't hear from them for over a week. I was given no indication of visitation. My offer was to go and see Savannah within 2 weeks of their move and then every 3 weeks thereafter. Juley would not hear of it. I was not given an address until Christmas. I was not called on Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday in January, Valentines Day, nor have I received any pictures or drawings or any thing else from her about Savannah. It seems as though Juley is trying to remove me from Savannah's life out of her own fears and insecurities. But Savannah loves me and, in her heart, will always know me as her mom.

     I continue to see the same therapist, and of course, have looked into my legal rights around Savannah. Because of the laws here in Florida, I cannot do anything legally to get visitation with Savannah, therefore,"No Legal Standing." Savannah still calls me "Momma," however Juley doesn't encourage it and always refers to me as Lisa.

     How can you stop a child from loving someone as her mom after I was a part of her life from inception? Why would someone want to stop that interaction? Is it fear? Is Juley afraid of me being a part of Savannah's life? I have told her, over and over again, that I want nothing more than to have visitation with Savannah and to be able to support and love her. I have assured Juley that I recognize her as the primary caregiver and that I desire no custodial rights, but that I want to share life with Savannah as often as I possibly can. I helped bring her here and I feel as responsible for her and her well being as the birth mother. I want to show her my love and enjoy life with her.
     
      My life has gone on and I have made a new life for myself, but Savannah will always be my daughter in my heart and I will always be Mom in hers. I only hope that someday Juley will let us be together.

Lisa Coons-Anderson is President and CEO of a manufacturer's representative agency in Florida and founder of the We 2 Have Parental Rights Foundation. Lisa is currently working on a book about her story titled, No Legal Standing.

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